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Mercury Mother-Fucking Retrograde

Kristi Brooks

Posted on November 28 2017

Mercury Mother-Fucking Retrograde

You know those periods during the year when everything goes to straight up shit and nothing seems to go according to plan. Unlike the full moon this is the gift that keeps on lingering…for a month or more. One of the biggest effects of Mercury Retrograde is the breakdown in communication. Since our society is more and more invested in technology that is based around communication these periods of Mercury Retrograde can slam into you like a ton of fucking bricks.

While you may be able to keep your calm for a little while, these things eat at you a piece at a time, wearing you down until eventually you find yourself lashing out at every damn thing in your path. Trust me, I understand. I’ve been known to weave in and out of traffic screaming and cursing like a sailor because no one seems to be understand how traffic signals work…or maybe they just can’t look up from their damn phones long enough to actually drive.

Now, here are some common sense DON’Ts for this time:
DO NOT Try to fix a long term dispute with your stupid neighbor that won’t keep their nippy Chihuahua in their yard.
DO NOT send your ex a 3 am text just wondering “how they’re doing”
DO NOT sign any new contracts. Stall those suckers as long as you can.

Things that are good (yes, good shit happens during Mercury Retrograde too):
Creativity is often in overdrive so don’t freak out if you find yourself sketching out random ass shit and writing poetry in the middle of the night.
Introspection can be beneficial during this time, but try not to go into full on hermit mode as this helps no one and you often just emerge later a stinky, greasy hermit that blinks at the sun with no recognition.

As much as I am involved in all things witchy and snarky, Mercury Retrograde is my least favorite time. Partly it is because electronics fucking hate me and partly it is because I end up an emotional wreck trying to sort through my life. So, I had to come up with something to help me through it. 

Chill the Fuck OutGood news is that even though it may feel like the world is falling into the tenth dimensional portal to hell when Mercury goes into Retrograde, you don’t have to be sucked into the hellhole along with everyone else. Mostly because I was so damn tired of flipping the fuck out that I decided to create a calling blend of oils that I can wear as a perfume, Chill the Fuck Out.

It’s the best survival tool I could devise against the cosmic onslaught that is fucking Mercury Retrograde. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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